Sometimes I get so caught up in navigating the tricky waters of FPIES and other mysterious symptoms that Little Cub has that I forget about all the other things in life. Food, symptoms, and poop are the basics of most of my conversations. Not great when you are trying to make new friends, unless they too are FPIES parents.
I forget some of the amazing little things in life. I haven't written in Little Cub's baby book in months. So many stories I want to share and have forgotten to write down. Like how the other day, Papa Bear and Little Cub were coloring together at Little Cub's tiny table. That was cute as it was but a few minutes later, Little Cub comes in the living room leading Papa Bear with coffee filters sitting on their heads. "hat" insists Little Cub with the biggest smile on her face. She hands me a coffee filter and insists that I also wear the "hat". Then we got up and danced in the living room together all wearing our fancy hats and laughing so hard that finally Papa Bear and I had to sit down. It was a precious moment.
Then there was the moment when I told Little Cub she was going to be a big sister. That there was a baby growing in my tummy. Her eyes got big and she patted my tummy so gently then she leaned over and whispered "baby" as she kissed my stomach. I burst into happy tears. It was such a sweet moment.
Then there are some moments I would rather forget. The phone call that informed me that my grand father's cancer was worse than expected and his chemo will be longer and more intense than expected. I felt like I was in a fog after that conversation. But perhaps it was also because I was having a miscarriage at the same time. I wanted to cry but I was too numb. For sometime, I had known I was pregnant but I also knew that something wasn't right. It was a feeling I knew all to well, something I had experienced before becoming pregnant with Little Cub. So I kept telling myself I was just sick or I had eaten something off or...I kept hearing "your pregnant" in the back of my mind but I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to be pregnant if I was just going to lose this baby. Then I gave in and in and let myself get excited about the possibility of a new little one, I talked to Little Cub about it, and for one night I was happy. But sometimes, a lot of times, you can't help what happens in life.I was given one night of joy surrounding that new little life, then I had to give that little one back to God. I grieved and I am still grieving as my body heals. I know my heart will take longer to heal. But I am so grateful for Little Cub who has been putting up with longer hugs than normal and lots of requests to snuggle on the couch.
I am the mother two wonderful and Rare children and am honored to be the step mama to two awesome teenagers.